Nobody likes to admit weakness.
The inability to do something is a truth of dementia. Dementia becomes the elephant in the room—the topic no one wants to discuss. This elephant of dementia must be approached and discussed openly.
Defining Dementia and its Denial
Let’s define dementia—and denial about dementia.
Dementia is a brain disease that causes symptoms, such as “occasional difficulty with language skills, like word-finding and vocabulary,” said Ashley Huntsberry-Legg. “[The person living with dementia] may explain away these situations with a general excuse about forgetfulness or fatigue.”
Is it Natural Aging or Dementia?
Dementia can be tested for and diagnosed. Mom or Dad will need to see a specialist for a brain scan, a psychiatric evaluation and a neurological test.
A neurologist may prescribe medications. These are effective in the early stages of dementia and may slow the condition’s advancement. Each has its own side effects, which may become problematic. The three main medications are:
- Donepezil (brand name Aricept, used to treat confusion).
- Galantamine (Razadyne, Razadyne ER and Reminyl).
- Rivastigmine (Exelon).
My sisters and I tried Aricept with our father, but we didn’t notice much improvement.
Denial About Dementia Snuck Up on Me
When the Aricept didn’t work as promised, my sisters and I nearly disbelieved the dementia diagnosis. I vividly remember Dad repeating stories and relying on his pocket notebook to remember things. We chalked that up to simple absent-mindedness (what happens when we grow older). As we found out later, these were much more than simple senior moments.
What Happens After a Dementia Diagnosis
Even following medical testing, people may try to run and hide from dementia.
How do people pretend they don’t have dementia? They become silent. Or they are stubborn about not doing activities. They say they are tired. Or they don’t feel well. They lose their balance and fall. They have traffic accidents. They lose their appetite, and there are memory lapses.
Family caregivers also can hide from dementia. Or, they become a super caregiver—one who can do everything, not have to talk about it, and is not fazed by dementia. Sorry, you will need to be realistic now. The red tights and cape cannot completely protect you.
Let’s Not Talk About Dementia
Family members may not want to look ahead, resulting in denial about dementia in their parent or spouse. We are eager to find other excuses. Dementia can be more difficult to accept when someone you love is involved. When something happens very close to you, you cannot always see it. The changes happen slowly and subtly. They are hard to notice.
Back when my own parents were alive, I foolishly convinced myself everything was fine. Mom had Parkinson’s disease and Dad was showing the early signs of Alzheimer’s disease. Yet I didn’t step in. I didn’t wake up to my parent’s needs until my Mom was diagnosed with leukemia. In retrospect, a proactive approach to caregiving can be far better than a reactive approach.
My Family Can’t Care For Me
Sometimes, an elder’s family can’t be long-distance caregivers. This happens more often than you might think. When it does, the local probate court will appoint someone to act as a legal guardian or conservator. This person becomes responsible for the elderly person’s care.
If you feel you cannot provide good care for a parent, you can seek a legal guardian who can care for him. Visit your local probate court. There, you can learn more, and even collect the paperwork necessary to start the process.
Keeping Quiet About Dementia Won’t Work
Denial of dementia is dangerous for the affected person and the family caregiver. The dangers of denial about dementia include:
- Car accidents.
- Medication overdosing.
- Forgetting to take medications.
- Loss of balance and falling.
- Wandering into traffic.
- Judgment lapses.
- Delay seeking help.
- Financial risks.
Clearly it’s Dementia. What Can I Do Now?
What can a family caregiver do when a loved one denies signs of dementia?
“From time to time, we’re all in denial about various aspects of our life,” writes Marc Agronin. “It’s how we cope. Denial masks emotions of grief, loss, fear and uncertainty.”
Things get stickier when our parents or spouses are involved.
“We see things changing and notice the person losing the ability to do what they once could,” Marc continued. “Often, we’re reluctant to step in and take over as it may feel like we’re giving up the person or crushing their dignity. Yet, it can be heart wrenching to watch them suffer. We want for things to stay static and for the person (and us) to maintain independence.”
If you need support caring for a loved one, call us. Our trained caregivers can provide support to fit your schedule and provide you with peace of mind. We understand aging, and we can help your loved one age in a healthy manner. Caregivers at Home Care Assistance are available for daily and hourly respite care for your loved one to help you protect your health and focus on yourself, too.
Contact Amanda Butas, a certified dementia practitioner and your Mesa client care manager, at (480) 699-4899 to see how our caregivers can help your loved one thrive. You also can visit us at our office next to Bed Bath and Beyond, located on Power and McKellips roads, at 2031 N. Power Road, Suite 103.