If you haven’t heard of Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), the idea of couples therapy may be limited to images of having the same fight with your partner in front of a stranger who is judging you, taking sides, or telling you where you’ve gone wrong.
If you haven’t experienced it firsthand, you may only see couples therapy the way it is portrayed in the media. While those portrayals may make people laugh (or cry), it is no wonder so many who could benefit from couples therapy are reluctant to give it a try.
The good news is EFT is nothing like that. First of all, EFT has a 75 percent success rate, with 93 percent of couples reporting a significant improvement. Also, in two-year follow-up studies, couples report their relationship continued to improve even after they ended therapy. This result is unprecedented with any other model of therapy, considering clients usually decline after completing therapy.
Even if you have the best therapist using older techniques, and you learn some great communication skills, those skills usually go out the window when emotions get heated. It is not a couple’s skills that determine the quality of a relationship. It’s the way they view and experience each other that matters most.
The bottom line is no skills will work as long as partners maintain a stance of defensiveness, feeling they must fight against the other or protect themselves from each other. Additionally, criticism, contempt and stonewalling are the cancers of relationships. When partners view each other as being on the same team, and trust that they both have the other’s best interest at heart, they can fight together, instead of against each other.
EFT helps partners shift from seeing each other as the enemy, into experiencing each other as an ally. By helping couples view themselves and each other differently, they are more able to create the relationship they desire, connect more deeply, and organically respond to one another with compassion and genuine support.
The truth is partners really only fight about one thing: “Do I matter to you enough that you will be there for me when I need you most?” When partners receive the reassurance they need that they have each other’s back through thick and thin, previous disconnects can be healed. EFT is a valuable resource for helping couples experience this type of reconnection and restoration of trust.
EFT Therapists Who Accept Insurance
If you ever have tried to find a therapist who has been trained in EFT, you know it is nearly impossible to find one who accepts your insurance. There are only a handful of therapists in Arizona who are certified in EFT, and none of them accept insurance. The Arizona Relationship Institute was created by Dr. Lisa Gold with the goals of: 1) providing exceptional EFT training and supervision to therapists, so that they could 2) provide high-quality EFT therapy to clients, and that 3) those services would be covered by Blue Cross Blue Shield insurance.
All AZRI therapists receive weekly training and supervision to effectively practice EFT. They also are trained to effectively use EFT to treat all dimensions of couples’ relationships. Specializations include healing infidelity and other betrayals, sexual difficulties (desire discrepancy and trauma, etc.), interfaith couples, and dealing with life transitions (parenthood, re-location and retirement, etc.).
Love and passion can last. It requires two partners who are willing to risk lowering their guard against each other, choosing to connect to the most vulnerable parts of themselves, and choosing to share those parts of themselves with each other. Sometimes, it also requires the assistance of a well-trained therapist.
If you and your partner are struggling, but you used to love each other, and you would like to reconnect, you owe it to yourselves and each other to meet with a qualified EFT therapist. Whether you are seeking to create, heal or strengthen your romantic relationship, you have a unique resource in your community to help you and your partner create the relationship you desire. You have The Arizona Relationship Institute.
For more information, e-mail Contactus@azri.org, or call (480) 788-5069. You can also visit the website at azri.org.
To read a good article on finding a good couples therapist, go to huffingtonpost.com/erica-manfred/why-marriage-counseling-d_b_860493.html.