When my son attended high school, his marching band often toured nearby states, and at one out-of-town trip, my son’s friend had lost his meal pass, the only way of acquiring food on those trips.
He also had no extra money on him, which meant that even if the friend could somehow get to a fast food restaurant, he would have been unable to acquire some food. My son checked with the officials to determine whether something could be done to replace the meal ticket. Amazingly, bureaucracy can frustrate even at the level of a school marching band and replacing a meal ticket was something the officials could not do.
Without any hesitation, my son gave his own meal ticket, opting to forgo eating. When my son told me this story, my maternal instincts were screaming and I sat incredulous. But my son argued against my protective instincts, rebutting, “People do go hungry, don’t they, especially when they fast for self-discipline?”
This article—and raising my son for that matter—would have been easier if compassion developed naturally. The fact is, though, developing compassion in children is a purposeful process. As parents, we must steer our children toward actively participating in acts of kindness and caring for others.
I am fortunate in that I can learn from my best epiphanies (and, shall we say, less optimal parenting choices) and perfect them at my work as superintendent of a top-ranked charter school. The mission of Self Development Academy (SDA) is designed with compassion in mind. Sure, we nurture students’ curiosity and intrinsic motivation, but equally important, we promote the merit of serving others. Thus, children can make this world better not only by engineering objects of comfort, but also by creating a culture where everyone is comforted.
Why is the development of compassion important?
Children are naturally self-centered. Some parents worry that their children are egocentric.
However, they should know that these characteristics are common for all children and with time diminish. Children eventually will learn they are not the center of the universe, and they need to take turns.
There are many benefits of developing compassion in our children, aside from making family car trips go more smoothly between the siblings. Research demonstrates that compassionate people are happier people. This makes intuitive sense. When we concentrate on another’s problems, our own problems seem minimal. Through kindness, we minimize negativity and encourage others to act similarly. In a school situation, the presence of compassion and kindness is an antidote for bullying. An environment permeated with kindness and caring, “ …feels like having a family and best friend all around you all the time,” said Catherine, a former eighth-grade student at SDA.
Compassionate individuals are happier, yes, but also healthier. They get sick less and have longer life spans. Researchers also have stated that doctors who are compassionate and have good bedside manners have healthier patients.
Teachers who are compassionate and have an understanding of their students’ challenges experience the most academic gains in their classes. Students feel safe and accepted and, thus, are able to focus on their studies.
How to foster the development of compassion in children
Traditionally, compassion is regarded as one of the highest human virtues. Developing compassion is developing an awareness of another’s pain and suffering and instilling a desire to reduce the suffering of others. Children learn compassion through having meaningful experiences. Taking care of pets, feeding them, keeping their areas clean, and equally important, making the time to love and play with them, help children develop empathy and kindness.
Children also learn compassion through observations. How do the adults in their lives behave toward those who are suffering? Children develop a sense of responsibility to their community when they see their parents give regular charity to promote the causes they support. Volunteering at a homeless shelter or participating in canned food drives are examples of what we can do to strengthen our children’s commitment to become socially responsible.
Compassion is learned through observations and experiences but must be practiced daily. Several years ago, Dale, a friend of mine and a parent to two of our former students, said that he had made it a point to do something kind to at least one person a day, without letting anyone know about it. How incredibly wonderful.
By facing challenging situations and developing an understanding of what is empathy, one can learn compassion. Children should learn to do things because it is the right thing to do and without expecting anything in return. Being appreciated because they helped someone who was suffering should be enough of a reward in itself. The daily practice of acts of compassion develops into a lifelong habit.
As children grow and develop, they must learn to control their impulsivity and anger. A child’s ability to monitor, articulate and regulate their emotions is all a part of their self-development.
At our school, Self Development Academy, we are focused on a crucial intersection where a child’s belief in themselves meets their belief in what kind of person they want to be. We try to make sure children become the heroes they admire. And a hero is nothing less than compassion and strength personified.
Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a harder battle.—Plato
For more information about Self Development Academy, please call (480) 641-2640, or visit us at selfdevelopmentcharterschool.com.